The Rush of Disaster
by slow waking
Summary: Kirk's at his best during the disasters.


Kirk is at his best during disasters.

His heart-rate goes up, adrenaline starts pumping, chaos runs amok and somehow everything just slows down for him, for that one perfect moment where it all makes sense and he knows just what to do and –

It's the in-between time that he can't handle, the long quiet moments on the bridge in between the excitement when, just for a second, he's tempted to turn around and hit someone, start that chaos, feel that rush, drop that –

But he doesn't, because he's the captain now (_and how did that happen?_ he wonders sometimes, but only when he's sure he is alone, just in case Bones spots a flash of doubt on his face. McCoy's getting a little _too_ good at psychology) and captains are supposed to have better controlthan that. Besides, Spock would take him down in an instant, Sulu would pull out that sword of his, Bones probably keeps a damn sedative hypo in his pocket and hitting Chekov would be like kicking a puppy.

Kirk doesn't hit girls unless they hit him first. Besides, Uhura has a mean left hook.

So instead he spends his off-shifts in the gym and if anyone notices the rate they seem to be replacing the standard-issue punching bags, no-one mentions it. It isn't the same, though -- there's no rush, no chaos, no split-second decisions, no danger to face, no lives to save. Sulu offers to teach him to fence; several times, in fact, but--

He waits for the moments, puts himself on too many away teams, comes back bruised and battered and ignoring Bones' pointed suggestions that they have trained security personnel for a reason.

Uhura and Spock trade a look, communicating with nothing but eyebrows and face twitches.

McCoy yells at him - waving the dermal regenerator around like he's forgotten he still has it in his white-knuckled grip - and Kirk can't help but wonder if he could just get one for himself, keep it under his bed and skip the trip to the med-bay altogether.

Probably not. Bones reads over every medical requisition form. Jim wonders if the other Kirk had this sort of trouble, but he can't quite bring himself to call the other Spock and ask.

At night he walks the halls and wishes for a brawl, an explosion, an enemy ship, a distress signal, a car to get in and hit the gas and rocket down the road until you come to a cliff and –

Spock doesn't say anything when he notices the first time.

The second time he suggests that it is illogical to be walking instead of sleeping.

The sixth time he calls it 'pacing'.

The eighth time he offers to teach Kirk _ke-tarya_, some sort of ancient Vulcan martial art. Kirk takes it as an invitation to get in a fight.

He wonders if Uhura put him up to it.

He wonders, sometimes, if she's watching for him, or watching for Spock, or watching to make sure the two of them don't accidentally kill each other. Standing by to grab the med-kit and call Bones, probably all in one graceful fell swoop, long hair flowing behind her and earrings jangling and —

Somehow, he isn't surprised that she doesn't even twitch when he hits the ground. It is Spock who glances sidelong at him, steps back and waits for him to get up.

It is illogical to offer an opponent a hand up when they are capable of rising under their own power.

_Ke'tarya_ is all swiftness and smoothness, precise angles and quick blows, fencing with hands instead of swords. It's a style for people with fast reflexes and strong bodies, logical minds and perfect control.

( The resting heart rate for Vulcans is around 240 beats per minute. He thinks about what that feels like, hits the treadmill as hard and as fast as he can, but can't get his heart to beat that fast )

He pays attention to the concepts, even when the details don't work; learns the words, even when he's not quite sure what they mean. Starts whispering _eik _when someone gets too close, _wonil _when they move away.

( He wonders if the confused looks count as _vazgua dvun_. )

He throws blows towards Spock's chest, lets his hand lay there flat for a moment too long, hoping to feel the heartbeat. Later, nursing broken fingers in the med-bay, he looks it up and discovers Vulcan hearts are much lower in the torso. Somehow, he thinks he should have known.

( When Uhura stops coming to watch every practice, Jim wonders if it's because she trusts them not to kill each other or if she just got tired of watching him fail. )

He throws blows towards Spock's crotch, even though it's not strictly a _ke'tarya_ move, hoping to get a reaction. Later, nursing bruises in his quarters, he looks it up and discovers that Vulcan genitals are almost fully retractable into the body .

( It doesn't occur to him that this is the reason why Bones asks him about his repeated accessing of the medical data available on Vulcan anatomy. )

Bones, like the good friend and doctor he is, doesn't yell at him when Jim wanders into the medical bay for the umpteenth time, battered and bruised, but instead mutters about pointy-eared bastards and brandishes the osteogenic stimulator like its some kind of deadly weapon that he is proficient in using and intends on applying. Kirk would grin, but the movement makes his broken jaw ache. He nods instead, listening to the seemingly never-ending string of warnings and doesn't mention the way getting his arse kicked can be reassuring.

Jim thinks that Spock understands and appreciates it when there are no apologies offered for the broken jaw, just a time and place for the next lesson.

If he doesn't think about the fact that someone else's memories are burbling around inside his skull, he can pretend that they aren't.

Mostly.

Or at least, during the disasters.

**Author's Note: **_Ke'tarya_ is mentioned briefly in one of the books, but without much in the way of details, so... I made them up, based on what's given. All the terms are bastardizations of fencing terms, translated badly into Vulcan._ Eik_ is the distance at which you can hit someone, _wonil_ the distance at which you can't ; _vazgua dvun _is a tempo ( basically, the idea that the best time to hit someone is when they're moving ). Vulcan physiology comes from . Do you know how hard it is to find a metronome that goes up to 240 bpm?

Kudos to Casey and Lina for the beta'ing


End file.
